Everybody in the world is going to find out your humiliating kinky phone sex secret, because the next ten callers are going to have to go to the nearest mall and worship thier mistress’ feet. Now, this doesn’t mean our mistresses live near you or are going to go through the effort of flying out just to meet your sorry ass, no. Instead, your “mistress” is going to be the oldest, fattest, frumpiest woman you can find buying shoes at JC Penny’s, and she will ideally be an unwilling participant in your campaign of admiration.
When you call, have the following items ready: Bullhorn, sandwich board and materials for marking it, massage oil, three raw eggs, and an outfit suitable for passing as a JC Penny’s shoe salesman. Have 500$ personal bail money ready, and cover your forearms in some kind of grease prior to causing the scene, as this will aid you in resisting security as they try to escort you off the premises/handcuff you. That is all for now; if you’re curious, you’re just going to have to call in.
